The news of actress Diane Keaton’s death hit me hard. I feel like I’ve lost a family member because, if I’m being honest, Keaton has been a maternal and comforting constant throughout my pop culture life. I watched his movies with my own mother, and now watch them with my daughter.

Like a classic baby boom, father of the bride, First Wife Cluband something has to give Was creative through many stages: from angsty teenager to struggling young adult to new mother. For more than 50 years, Keaton played all kinds of strong, relatable, and wonderfully complex characters, many of them mothers. Her wit, quirkiness and vulnerability, both on and off screen, were and still are unmatched.

But Keaton didn’t just play a strong character—she lived by her own rules. She was a total fashion icon, opting for stylish suits and quirky accessories in ball gowns and stilettos on the red carpet. She never married but dated A-listers like Al Pacino and Warren Beatty. And she waited fifty years to become a mother, Adopting a daughterDexter, 29, and son Duke, 25.

“Motherhood wasn’t an urge I couldn’t resist; it was something I’d thought about for a very long time. So I dove in,” Keaton once said in an interview. “I never thought I would ever be ready to be a mother.”

Best regards

Tributes from Keaton’s co-stars, from Goldie Hawn who Bette Midler, Affirming that you are the loyal, dependable, supportive friend you want in your inner circle is incredibly moving. But the tears started flowing for me when I realized that some of the heartwarming messages from the actors playing her on-screen kids were digging in. That kind of genuine warmth is something you can’t fake on screen, or in the relationships they’ve maintained over the years.

Kimberly Williams-Paisleywho played Annie Banks father of the bride And its sequel, shared on Instagram, “Working with you Diane, will always be the highlight of my life.”

Mandy MooreInside his daughter Because I said soHe posted, “They say you never meet your heroes, but I got to work with one of mine and even call her ‘mom’ for a few months.”

and Olivia Wilde, who starred alongside Keaton in 2015 Love the CoopersReally got me. Part of her post read: “I can’t believe I got to call her Mom. I took photos of the family bookshelf because it felt so real, and I want to remember this beautiful set that felt real. We were a family, singing and hanging out together in Pittsburgh. Diane was the heart of the family.

The role of Keaton’s mother is very important to me. They taught me valuable, timeless lessons that I now try to pass on to my own daughter. As a token of my gratitude, here are four of my favorite lessons Keaton taught me about motherhood.

1. Yes, women can have it all (baby boom)

in 10 years old– My daughter is the right age now –baby boom It changed my mindset about what my future could be as a wife, mother and career woman. It was 1987, and I (wrongly) assumed you were the one Stay at home momor working girl; There was no in between.

Keaton’s character, JC Wiatt, was later nicknamed “The Tiger Lady”. A New York powerhouse whose life revolved around work. In her limited free time, she had a boyfriend whom she barely noticed. Then comes a sudden twist: her uncle dies unexpectedly, leaving JC to care for her 14 month old baby. A baby boom is indeed the end of a tumultuous career.

I mean, can you imagine balancing a demanding job and kids? What a reprehensible concept!

Even in the late 80s, I was outraged that motherhood derailed Jessie’s career and sent her to seek a “simple life” in the country. But JC proves everyone wrong, cleverly uses her keen business sense, and launches a successful baby food line. Every time I feel overwhelmed mental load At the top of my deadline, I ask myself, “What would Jesse do?” She told me to stop being afraid, follow my passion, and that yes, moms can “have it all.”

2. Count every moment (father of the bride)

I just introduced myself father of the bride who My middle daughterWho, bless his observant heart, immediately pointed out when it was said father of the brideKeaton, as Nina Banks (mother of the bride), was the real MVP.

George Banks (an evocative Steve Martin) is so shocked by the news of his daughter Anne’s engagement that he is convinced he is “losing” his little girl. He worries about every part of the wedding planning – the cost of the cake ($1200 was sticker shock in 1991!) to the venue (thankfully vetoing his suggestion of The Steak Pit). Big milestones, like an engagement or a new baby, are totally rocking Family dynamicsAnd that’s super relevant.

But more relevant than that is Nina. She never judges George for his epic downfall, yet she perseveres, reminding him that he is in danger of ruining her daughter’s wedding day. More important? He takes himself out of the moment. Nina Banks basically taught a master class on why this is so important Be present with our childrenWhether it’s a random Tuesday or their actual wedding day.

3. Be a Mama Bear (Family stone)

Try to name a better family matriarch than Sybil Stone. All five of her adult children respect and look up to her. He is their biggest cheerleader and staunch advocate. But most of all, she’s a mama bear you don’t want to mess with.

One of the most poignant scenes in Family stone Sybil’s reaction after her eldest son’s fiancee suggests that, given the choice, the parents would have a “normal child”. This is a serious mistake as it refers to Sibyl’s youngest son Thad, who is gay And deaf, was not “normal”.

Sybil doesn’t hesitate to put Meredith in her place in front of the whole family. Then, without missing a beat, she turns her attention to Thad. At the big table, they seem to be the only two there. Sybil hints at him saying “I love you” and then breaks the tension by saying “You’re more common than any* a-hole that sits at this table”.

Every time my daughter struggles, I feel completely helpless. My first instinct? to yell at his bullies or confront his teachers. I’m pretty sure my picture is on the wall at her old gymnastics facility because I once snapped at a coach who put my daughter in the wrong group. And don’t even get me started on the summer camp where I “let the director do it” in a swimming assessment mix-up that sapped her confidence.

I understand the primal urge of Sybil who treats her children unfairly or misjudges them. I am trying to teach my daughter Advocate for yourselfBut to be honest, it’s comfortable for me. Like Sybil, I always want to make sure my daughter knows I’m in her corner and that I’ll be the first to defend her—when it’s appropriate, of course. (And, let’s be real, sometimes it isn’t!)

4. Motherhood is the most impossible love (Because I said so)

Although we meet Daphne Wilder as she is raising her adult daughters, it is clear that she is ahead of her time.Helicopter Mom.” Keaton’s portrayal of Daphne is domineering but deeply meaningful. She meddles, offers unexpected advice, and tries to set her youngest daughter up with men she doesn’t like.

It’s a ritual to tell your mother to back off, that she’s too controlling, or that you need to respect the way you live your life. I have been there many times with my own mother. And even though my daughter is only 10 years old, her constant mood is “angry”. Just being asked to wear her shoes makes me “annoying” or “stressful”. He rolls his eyes so far back in his head that I’m sure he knows what his brain looks like inside.88

but Daphne’s monologue—when she finally gets rejected and criticized by her daughters—is one of the truest (and best performed) songs about motherhood:

“Motherhood. It’s the most impossible love. You tell me when it ends. Tell me when it stops. … It’s so good for me to teach you how to walk and talk … and then you grow up and you go the wrong way to the cliff and I have to stand there and shake the babies, here I go. All I have to do is put my feet up at the end of the day and say to myself, ‘Well, you know, they’re on their own and she says she’s fine. – you Don’t be!

Motherhood is complicated and messy; The bond between Mothers and daughters Can be confusing and frustrating. But, for those quiet moments when my daughter shares her deepest secrets or just seeks my comfort after a hard day, I say, eye rolls, it’s worth the success.

Diane Keaton’s beautifully layered maternal characters allow us to be imperfect, embrace our flaws, and lean into our mistakes. It’s very hard to imagine a world without Diane Keaton, but I’m so grateful that her movies will live on. At least for me, they’re a reminder that in the midst of the chaos, all of us moms are doing the best we can – and that’s more than enough!